On Creativity: “Lost in Portland”‘s Complaint

Is it too late to start a band at 45? (Salon)

You might need to click through the Salon Site Pass rigamarole to get to it, but this letter and response are surprisingly earnest. “Lost in Portland” does lapse into grandiosity, and many of the comments call him on perceived immaturity. But let’s be honest: a bit of ego is intrinsic to the artistic endeavor, and it’s hard to be mature when one is seriously depressed and alienated. Whether or not you relate to “Lost in Portland,” this exchange is relevant to anyone who has contemplated a career in the arts – and anyone familiar with the creakings of the “inner machinery of self-defeat”.

Here’s part.
“Lost in Portland”:

I have worked jobs, such as in retail, the restaurant industry and business offices, that have left me bored, unfulfilled and feeling like my soul has been crushed. On the side, I have done creative things: singing in bands, performing in local theater, putting together and performing with comedy troupes. These things kept me alive and interested in the world, but never paid the rent. I tried studying some of my creative interests in a university setting, but honestly don’t feel I could be happy teaching. . . So my current dilemma? I am tired of being unhappy and not being myself.

Cary Tennis:

How do you and I, with our myriad difficulties and lack of understanding, our lack of connections and affability, our inner machinery of self-defeat, how do we reconcile this? How do we reconcile creativity with the practical requirements of living?

To be blunt: Maybe we do and maybe we don’t. But we start by being honest. We start with a self-correcting catechism of ego deflation: The world doesn’t owe us a living. Instead, we owe the world. We have been entrusted with something.