Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
What? I’m a lunatic I’ve never even heard of?
You are William John Cavendish-Bentinck-Scott, the Fifth Duke of Portland!
Sometime Marquis of Tichfield, Earl of Portland, Viscount Woodstock, Baron of Cirencester, co-heir to the Barony of Ogle and renowned as the finest judge of horseflesh in England, you took the tradition of aristocratic eccentricity to unprecedented heights. Having inherited the stately home of Welbeck Abbey, you proceeded to construct miles of underground tunnels and a ballroom, in pink, beneath it. The ballroom was complete except for one small detail. It had no floor. Despite this vast home, you lived exclusively in a suite of five rooms, each one also pink.
Having been turned down by your opera singer objet d’amour, Adelaide Kemble, in your youth, you suffered a broken heart and never married. This did not stop you from caring deeply about the wellbeing of your servants. Occasionally you would even help them muck out the stables. However, you did not neglect discipline, forcing disobedient underlings to skate themselves to exhaustion on your subterranean skating rink. Servants were given strict instructions regarding conduct: if they met you in a corridor, they were to ignore your existence while you froze to the spot until they were out of sight; and a chicken was to be kept roasting at all times in case you felt like sneaking into the kitchen for a snack.
I’m glad I have you around to find these amusing time-wasters for me. I’M Charles VI of France, in case you were wondering . . . although I can’t say I see a lot of similarity myself. Then again, the write-up makes him sound as though he and Animal would have gotten along pretty well, so maybe that’s where I come in.